January 14, 2013
I've thought about posting for many months now. But I have not had the "want to" to put words down. It's like when you avoid talking to someone because you don't want to answer the question you know they'll ask you. Or not going to church because you think God is so disappointed in you, it's just easier to make excuses not to go.
This year was is off to a rough start. I woke up with a fever on New Year's day, which also happens to be my anniversary. After taking a couple of sick days, I went back to work. And things there weren't good either. I felt hopeless. I was without hope. And that is not a good place to be.
I don't like feeling that way, and I couldn't see a way out of feeling that way.
I have been exercising. I haven't stopped, although I did have a lapse when I was sick. I am still running. I am still swimming. I am still getting to the gym.
And I am still not losing weight.
I am frustrated.
But I am still here. And I am still in it.
I guess hopelessness will not win after all. I will keep saying this until I believe it.